It's been almost 20 years...

Well hello there if you know me by one of my other blogs please bare with my intro... I decided to make a separate blog for my weight loss success, trials, slip ups, etc... Basically I am a mom to 4 (thus far) I live in Texas and I serve the Lord whenever I can, web design, graphic design, rescue birds and other livestock and home school my 2 youngest daughters. This is mostly about my weight issues and hang ups.

Let's just cut to the chase - I am FAT sure I could pretty it up and say curvy, voluptuousness, thick, plus size (ewww hate that term) or we can go with Fat... It's been almost 20 years since my scale has dipped under 300 pounds - go ahead OMG (ohmygosh) is okay here... and today I am actually a few pounds away from 400 pounds. I'm 38 years old and just to a point to where I know health wise I am going to rapidly decline... I need to fix this and I can't with out God, and journaling. You see between all the harsh insults, laughter, and just rude stares of others there is no one NO ONE, quite more convicting and cruel than myself when looking @ my pictures... or reflection ~ can't begin to tell you how many pictures I have deleted off the camera... or videos ~ how many family pictures I opted out of just because I can't stand my weight. For years I have convinced myself I am okay with it, it's who I am - I was wrong My weight is not who I am It's a part of me yes, I have let it consumed me and control me but it's not who I am... I have let it intimidate me, silence me, and become number 1 @ excuses at why I can't do something which by the way (my weight was never given as the excuse...I would find other things that never placed the weight for blame) - Yikes I became a defendant and protected my weight and never admitted that till now.

So why now? God has done a complete transformation inside my soul and very existence... I want to do so many things to make a difference, that will involve constant activity. I need to make the exterior shell transform. I have lived with Sleep Apnea, Edema, Asthma, High Blood Pressure - and who knows what else due to my weight. So I am confused on what approach to take - I am starting with the HCG - strict protocol no tweaking - I started phase 1 Saturday & Sunday as my loading days, basically I ate whatever I wanted as much as I wanted the more fattening the better - I have read where some gained as much as 10 pounds in phase 1 lol - I managed to gain 6 ounces... so day one consisted of

Starting Weight - 390.2
Belgian waffle with 5 little sausage links with cranberry pomegranate juice

Lunch - uhm handful of various chocolates.... left over from Christmas

Dinner - ohh la la, I had fajitas on flour tortillas loaded (sour cream shredded cheeses etc) also had 3 cheese enchiladas -

no dessert ^ no room obviously

Sunday starting weight I freaked out cause I got on the scale and it said 397 of course I was fully dressed for church down to the shoes... so that was not accurate pfft ~

but anyhow for breakfast I had

left over fajitas & rice (not loaded)

lunch -

more left overs fajitas ~ w/lemonade

Dinner - Porcupine Balls served with white rice, and white dinner rolls, then I had a nice sized slice of apple pie w.snicker doodle ice cream on the side... oh and a glass of milk this one tbs of milk a day is gonna suck....


but anyhow thats what I loaded on - not very impressive compared to the other stories I read.... let's hope it was enough to jump start whatever.

Monday Morning weigh in @ 390.8 up 6 ounces this is supposed to be a good thing from what I have read... so here is where the fun begins

for breakfast I had 22 oz. of water and an apple.

for lunch I had half a cucumber and 3.5 oz of skinless chicken breast (weighed before cooked)

dinner I will have the same as lunch but maybe an apple too...

I better have lost 6 ounces when I wake up because my body is already threating me, my brain is much stronger than my will power... I did good though, went and did laundry and picked up some cheeseburgers for the kids and Joseph for lunch, i didn't even take a sesame seed... much less a bite. came home and Tre heated up left over pie, oh man... and then the Christmas popcorn canister and candy singing my name- and it was then I realized I seriously have an issue with food restriction - I can walk past all those things on a daily basis with out needing any but tell me I can't and I want it :( or I'm hungry knowing I'm not how can I be drinking a bathtub full of water through out the day :P

So this in a nutshell is where I am at feel free to follow comment ~ see you tomorrow.