Self Flogging

ugh... Okay I haven't posted like everything I do in life when I am unhappy with something I withdraw... I cheated this entire last week, and I put on a ridiculous amount of weight back on...

I am not thrilled about it obviously, and wasn't even going to blog about it... because of the admittance factor that food over rules my mind @ times.  How ridiculously embarrassing..

So here I am back at 372 ~ WTH did I eat that compiled so much weight??? actually yesterday I was at 376.8 but We went to Jamba Juice because I have been freaking constipated like you would not believe... I got a double detox shot of wheat grass...which is supposed to be equivalent to eating 5 lbs of veggies @ only 15 calories!  smelled like my donkeys poop... literally like fresh cut grass and poop ~ tasted like what I would imagine juiced grass would taste like icky but well worth what came out of me later that eve... I woke up to being 4 lbs lighter ... and I still feel blocked - :/ so today I kick back into full gear, my cheat was it worth it? No... of course not, all that hard work and dedication what took a week to gain will take who knows how long to lose , again I am not sure how I put on so much aside the fact it was the week of my period.. which is finally stopping - (maybe i have some retention there) dunno? but I didn't eat cakes, cookies, candy, soda, breads, I did have a couple of my fave coffee drinks which I know are fattening... I had a lot of meat and veggies ~ I do need to say this, "normal food" made me miserable every time I ate I felt sick ~ my tummy ached and I just felt icky... I am okay with this, food is a blessing from above , and should be used to nourish our bodies, and celebrate HIM, not the fact... that I can cook and eat and eat and eat...

I don't expect any pity I sure the heck don't deserve it nor WANT IT - I just need to be honest with myself - and with those of you who have cared enough to see how I am REALLY doing.

So on that note, lets see if I can undo this damage and get back on track on where I need to be heading!

Self flogging session now over!

Weight Loss By Date

January 3, 2011 - 390.8

January 4, 2011 - 389

January 5, 2011 - 380.4

January 6, 2011 - 377.6

January 7, 2011 - 376.4

January 8, 2011 - 374.2

January 9, 2011 - 367.4

January 10, 2011 - 369.6

January 11, 2011 - 369.2

January 12, 2011 - 368.2

January 13, 2011 - 367.2

January 14, 2011 - 366.6

January 15, 2011 - 365.8

January 16, 2011 - 364.4

January 17, 2011 - 362.6

January 18, 2011 - 362.8 went up a few ounces here not sure why...

January 19, 2011 - 361.8

January 20, 2011 - 360.8

January 21, 2011 - 360

January 22, 2011 - 358.2

January 23, 2011 - 356.8

January 24, 2011 - 355.8

January 25, 2011 - 354.2

January 26, 2011 - 353.2

January 27, 2011 - 351.6

January 28, 2011 - 351

January 29, 2011 - 349.6

January 30, 2011 - 349.8 My cycle is due here...

January 31, 2011 - 352.4 Still haven't started pffftt


Edited on Feb 11


February 1, 2011 – 355.6
February 2, 2011 – 354.4 Cycle started… also stopped drops went into a total relapse of cheating :/
February 3, 2011 – 358
February 4, 2011 – 360
February 5 & 6, 2011 – did not weigh self….
February 7, 2011 – 372.8 freaked out… for obvious reasons – started drops again
February 8, 2011 – 370.4
February 9, 2011 – 370.8
February 10, 2011 – 370.4
February 11, 2011 – 367  headed the right direction again…
February 12, 2011 - 366.6
February 13, 2011 - 365.4
February 14, 2011 - 365
Feb 15, 2011 - 364.8
Feb 16, 2011 - 365
Feb 17, 2011 - 364.4
February 18, 2011 - 362
February 19, 2011 -358.4
February 20, 2011 - 362
February 21, 2011 - 362
February 22, 2011 - 362
February 23 - 24, 2011 - no weigh
February 25, 2011 - 363.2
February 26 -march 1, 2011 - 363 

I Can See It

I can finally start to see the weight coming off... significantly- for instance in my car... I used to have to drive with the seat fully slid back so my stomach wouldn't hit the steering wheel... now I have to pull the seat 2 notches closer because I can't reach the pedals :D So width over all is shrinking... My clothes are all fitting different. I am concerned with the flabby skin on my belly but that is totally a cosmetic thing and I will live with it...

This morning I weighed in @ 351.6 ~ that's 39.2 pounds gone ~ Hello scale you are no longer my evil enemy, you are actually sorta becoming my best friend... and I no longer have to sing Stevie nicks , Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies when I step on you ;o).

I want to say this to anyone that has just begun the diet... you will have your rough days... hang in there find someone to talk to who understands the discipline it takes to do this, don't give up on it or yourself ~ the results will show and the reward of weight loss will come soon! I have days where I am just not even missing foods I love... and I have days that leave me totally frustrated... key thing is, You are bigger than a "feeling" or "craving" and more so GOD is bigger than anything and everything - for me - that alone is enough.

I can't believe I am almost under 350... another Huge number shrinking into the 340's :-) feels so awesome!

Off to grab me some water and pick up some baby chicks, have a great day everyone!

I Splurged =)

So pretty much I have eaten mostly chicken breast... cucumbers and apples along this journey ~ I'm sorta BORED with it - however this is my own fault since I am such a finicky eater ~ red meat scares me - I mean I LOVE it but... I am afraid of it throwing me off or slowing me down? So this is how I splurged...

I Bought half a pound of Strawberries ;o) it was an extreme treat because this entire time I was refusing to pay 4.99 for some strawberries... but today my friend they had them sliced and washed heads removed for the same price @ HEB- I love you HEB even though you tempted me with all your yummy test drives (samples) it's what my almost 12 year old daughter calls samples.. but good grief that place will fill you up on samples - not me though... not today anyhow.

So where am I at? 21 days in as of today and free of 35 pounds of FAT! thats like 2 weeks worth of meat in my freezer for my family - UGH! So I am aiming for the 43 pound marker and then I need to see what P3 has in store for me as far as food and how much I can have - 8 more pounds ~ ! this morning I weighed in @ 355.8 can you believe 3 weeks ago I was almost 400 lbs, now I am almost half way away :D feels good to be making progress.

Some of you know I have struggled with wants and cravings... but I have resisted and here is an awesome Scripture to keep on my tongue every time I want something I need to say this verse...

Acts 20:24

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

the theme here is Live your Mission - while my mission is to serve God in my life how ever he wants me to - HE is my inspiration and the one I mutter my weaknesses to when I sit alone in the morning on the end of my bed... He just whispers it's okay, You can do it, I won't let you fall - and I have never in over 20 years ever lost this much weight in one period!!! My mission is to lose this weight to be healthy to praise the Lord along the way!!!

I walked through that grocery store with confidence today, I felt good about myself ~ so so very good, my one and only pair of Jeans that were once skin tight are now baggy and I love it - can't wait till I have to replace them :)

Before I go.. one of the tedious task I dislike is cooking up this little 3 oz piece of chicken every day... HEB sells some precooked Lemon and Herb chicken breast ~ no sugar! Picked those up for days I just dont feel like preparing 2 individual meals

Off to cook dinner for the family :-) Have a wonderful week!

I Did It!

Morning of Day 18 of the HCG VLCD ~ I weighed in @ 360 pounds on the nose! Yesss!!! For those who have not been following - 360 lbs was my first short term goal ~ that is 30.8 lbs.... GONE! Praise the Lord for my endurance , as I have had my very very mind boggling days.

Yesterday was my 13 year old Sabrina's birthday... we spent the day with grandma mostly, Sabrina wanted Mexican food for lunch, so we gave the Blue Iguana a try... (it's been there for 2 yrs, but never tried it) So of course today we do... it was me, mom, Sabrina and my youngest daughter Noel... ~ waiter comes up and takes our drink order... of course I order my water - comes back later for our food order, and I diligently declined to order anything... It was VERY hard... but these results are so very worth it. We spent the rest of the day shopping for clothes for both girls... and on the way home I stopped @ HEB grocery, to snag a cake for Bri and whatever she wanted for a birthday dinner... Sabrina wanted Belgian waffles again LOL ~ we just had these 2 nights ago... and man they were a butt kicker then to smell them and tonight I get to revisit that smell yay.... not only the waffles but saddle blanket hash browns... that would be ground breakfast sausage, sprinkled with cheese, hash browns on top both items cooked - then placed in the over for a light golden color that you desire then sprinkled with more cheese... Oh and one of those Huge thick slices of Ham... and of course the usual fixens, of butter, maple syrup, redi whip and strawberries... I sat there while they ate and tried to enjoy my apple... and you know I would have more so if I were even hungry, I only ate 1 and a half apples yesterday... let me tell you people this does not make a difference in the weight loss - so try and eat your menu for the nutrients if anything... I just have no hunger what so ever. to finish off the night Sabrina wanted an Oreo Ice cream cake! Which also looked divine... the night rolled down with my son playing the guitar for her and singing... oh so sweet.

So now that I have met my first goal of 30.8 lbs... I have decided to press on and go the full 42 days... I would like to lose another 30 but the weight loss has slowed down, but yet still coming off ~ realistically I think I can lose maybe another 15 pounds in this go around. I am almost out of drops as well... so I need to order more... I don't want to go back to what I was ... I will continue to weigh myself daily and do whatever it takes to continue to lose the weight :) ~ that's about it for now~

Thanks for stopping by!!

Reality Check

So I am now @ 361.8 folks that is a total of 29 lbs released, gone, poof! That is also 1.8 lbs shy of my short term goal weight of 360 ... I am setting myself small goals to meet so I feel accomplished along the weigh way and not so overwhelmed by that HUGE number... When I started I had over 225 lbs to shed... 225 pounds Good Grief I ask myself how did I get here, honestly? The answer is I do not know ~ my best bet would be a sedentary life style, I web design, graphic design ... and have become more active over the last couple years with farming and outdoor extracurriculars ... but still I have no excuse aside... I was never content with myself, however I never had anything that would just move me along 1 pound at a time like this stuff. I want to also add that with out GOD, I could NOT do this - I remind myself daily when needed, I can do this with Christ I can do anything and everything - including THIS. I now have 196.8 lbs to lose for my long term goal... a smaller number but still Huge...

So reality set in about a week ago... temptations yeah they finally came around to visit me... especially last night... I made homemade Belgian Waffles along with maple syrup, real butter, Strawberries and Rediwhip (that yummy whipped cream in a can) oh my stars my home smelled so delicious... and the smiles and oh mom this is so good coming from the kids and my hubby told me enough - my husband tells me it's okay hon... have 1 bite and somehow (this is where GOD kicks in) I have the strength to say no... I have come too far!!! My womens group was also last night... and they always send me home with whatever goody was brought up there to share... for the kids ;o) last night Linda brought a butter cream iced 1/4 sheet cake, a marble bundt cake, and two packages of oatmeal raisin cookies - GOOD HEAVENS where were these on my loading days??? I set them all on my stove top - they all looked delish... I sent the bundt cake off with Joseph this morning for work ~ he drinks coffee like it's going out of style - so that will be a nice side kick companion.

But here is the big news - I not ONCE during this diet have cheated with a crumb of anything I am not supposed to have... I have stalled a few times (meaning not lose any weight) and I even gained a few ounces as well on a few occasions - these times did leave me down casted - because unless I am sleep walking/eating... I have not eaten anything that is not listed under protocol, and if anything I am falling short of my 500 daily calories. However I pray, and thank God for the weight I have lost and ask to keep focused on what I have accomplished so far and keep moving along. I am just not sure where the small weight gain comes from time to time?

I have contemplated @ stopping @ the 21 day marker instead of the 42... because I do feel myself wanting some of things I can't have... not just junk food but a loaded salad with sunflower seeds, boiled eggs, cheese, ranch, etc, soups, sandwiches and so much more... doesn't help that I am making a ten layer lasagna for dinner tonight - SIGH ~ BUT I am also driven on to see how much weight can I lose as well ~ I also would LOVE to be able to do wii fit - I can't I am too heavy @ this point... 330 I believe is the max weight, and thank GOD my wii fit scale can't talk to me, I could hear it now, "Seriously Lady?" If my bathroom scale can go to 450.. why can't wii make one to accept more poundage? Us big people want to use it too! So with that said... 330 will be my next goal once I meet 360... -

One last thing ~ I have this little giddiness I get every time I see a number change I am not talking like 1 number I mean like 390 to 387, to 375, to 360's it's amazing to get out of a range ... of numbers like I am so thrilled to getting closer to the 350's =D ~ it's sooo close... I also don't see too much of a physical change myself... not sure why, but my family comments on it... I really need to spend time getting the rest of this blog lined out so I can share my actually body shots ::eek::

coming soon, Pics of me! ;o) (Head to toe)

another pound gone!

So today I woke up . weighed in and I weighed in @ 367.2 - I'm pleased with this so much, a pound a day is awesome! Today I was picking up some items from the store and miss Sabrina my almost 13 yr old.. asked if she could get some chocolate milk - sure hon, oy ~ not only did she get herself some... but she got the Promise Land Midnight Chocolate milk this is like the tajmahal of chocolate milks ~ and the bakery was fired up - make a mental note not to shop in the morning hours.... but aside all of that I am not struggling @ all it's so nice to be in the middle of week two and not have cheated one time! Praise God for strength and endurance!

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.