ugh... Okay I haven't posted like everything I do in life when I am unhappy with something I withdraw... I cheated this entire last week, and I put on a ridiculous amount of weight back on...
I am not thrilled about it obviously, and wasn't even going to blog about it... because of the admittance factor that food over rules my mind @ times. How ridiculously embarrassing..
So here I am back at 372 ~ WTH did I eat that compiled so much weight??? actually yesterday I was at 376.8 but We went to Jamba Juice because I have been freaking constipated like you would not believe... I got a double detox shot of wheat grass...which is supposed to be equivalent to eating 5 lbs of veggies @ only 15 calories! smelled like my donkeys poop... literally like fresh cut grass and poop ~ tasted like what I would imagine juiced grass would taste like icky but well worth what came out of me later that eve... I woke up to being 4 lbs lighter ... and I still feel blocked - :/ so today I kick back into full gear, my cheat was it worth it? No... of course not, all that hard work and dedication what took a week to gain will take who knows how long to lose , again I am not sure how I put on so much aside the fact it was the week of my period.. which is finally stopping - (maybe i have some retention there) dunno? but I didn't eat cakes, cookies, candy, soda, breads, I did have a couple of my fave coffee drinks which I know are fattening... I had a lot of meat and veggies ~ I do need to say this, "normal food" made me miserable every time I ate I felt sick ~ my tummy ached and I just felt icky... I am okay with this, food is a blessing from above , and should be used to nourish our bodies, and celebrate HIM, not the fact... that I can cook and eat and eat and eat...
I don't expect any pity I sure the heck don't deserve it nor WANT IT - I just need to be honest with myself - and with those of you who have cared enough to see how I am REALLY doing.
So on that note, lets see if I can undo this damage and get back on track on where I need to be heading!
Self flogging session now over!
I am not thrilled about it obviously, and wasn't even going to blog about it... because of the admittance factor that food over rules my mind @ times. How ridiculously embarrassing..
So here I am back at 372 ~ WTH did I eat that compiled so much weight??? actually yesterday I was at 376.8 but We went to Jamba Juice because I have been freaking constipated like you would not believe... I got a double detox shot of wheat grass...which is supposed to be equivalent to eating 5 lbs of veggies @ only 15 calories! smelled like my donkeys poop... literally like fresh cut grass and poop ~ tasted like what I would imagine juiced grass would taste like icky but well worth what came out of me later that eve... I woke up to being 4 lbs lighter ... and I still feel blocked - :/ so today I kick back into full gear, my cheat was it worth it? No... of course not, all that hard work and dedication what took a week to gain will take who knows how long to lose , again I am not sure how I put on so much aside the fact it was the week of my period.. which is finally stopping - (maybe i have some retention there) dunno? but I didn't eat cakes, cookies, candy, soda, breads, I did have a couple of my fave coffee drinks which I know are fattening... I had a lot of meat and veggies ~ I do need to say this, "normal food" made me miserable every time I ate I felt sick ~ my tummy ached and I just felt icky... I am okay with this, food is a blessing from above , and should be used to nourish our bodies, and celebrate HIM, not the fact... that I can cook and eat and eat and eat...
I don't expect any pity I sure the heck don't deserve it nor WANT IT - I just need to be honest with myself - and with those of you who have cared enough to see how I am REALLY doing.
So on that note, lets see if I can undo this damage and get back on track on where I need to be heading!
Self flogging session now over!
Being honest with yourself is definitely a step in the right direction!! Because really... you are the only one who will suffer. And just jumping right back into protocol will be the next best step! Are you in P3? Or were you injecting? My first round was a TOTAL learning experience for me and seeing just how much I rely on food to get me thru any situation!! R2 is going much better, but I still have my weaknesses!! You did such an amazing job and I'm sure you will get right back into the swing of things!! GOOD LUCK!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Shatzi - I believe I am back on track again... Your comments always make me smile and knowing I have a few cyber friends out there following along encourages me... to be honest and to stay on track after all we all love to see each others progress!
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